The following excerpt is from Calvin Miller’s The Empowered Communicator: 7 Keys to Unlocking an Audience (affiliate link). It got me thinking… Some speakers are so self-serving. And other’s really have a way of connecting with their audience.
Which one are you?
Dear Speaker:
Your ego has become a wall between yourself and me. You’re not really concerned about me, are you? You’re mostly concerned about whether or not this speech is really working…about whether or not you’re doing a good job. You’re really afraid that I will not applaud, aren’t you? You’re afraid that I won’t laugh at your jokes or cry over your emotional anecdotes. You are so caught up in the issue of how I am going to receive your speech, you haven’t thought much about me at all. I might have loved you, but you are so caught up in self-love that mine is really unnecessary. If I don’t give you my attention it’s because I feel so unnecessary here.
When I see you at the microphone, I see Narcissus at his mirror… Is your tie straight? Is your hair straight? Is your deportment impeccable? Is your phraseology prefect?
You seem in control of everything but your audience. You see everything so well, but us. But this blindness to us, I’m afraid, has made us deaf to you. We must go now. Sorry. Call us sometime later. We’ll come back to you…when you’re real enough to see us…after your dreams have been shattered…after your heart has been broken…after your arrogance has reckoned with despair. Then there will be room for all of us in your world. Then you won’t care if we applaud your brilliance. You’ll be one of us.
Then you will tear down the ego wall and use those very stones to build a bridge of warm relationship. We’ll meet you on that bridge. We’ll hear you then. All speakers are joyously understood when they reach with understanding.
— Your Audience — Source: Calvin Miller, The Empowered Communicator: 7 Keys to Unlocking an Audience
Thankfully, this comes off in our reactions, our hopefully, our reactions knock down their ego to a level where the narcissism isn't so prominent. If the speaker is truly great at speaking, they will empathize with the audience. If not, they won't – and hopefully, the gigs will dry up – or at least the high paying ones.
I've definitely been in that space where my focus has been on how I'll be perceived more than on the value I'm bringing to the audience. This was a great reality check!
I think we all have. I loved reading this piece and definitely makes me think about how I follow up on future engagements. “Seek to be helpful first” is the goal every time.
This is a nice reminder, Ricardo. People are so quick to spot a “snake oil salesman” and can intuitively sniff out somebody who is there to look good and seek approval. There is nothing like the real thing! People will always be enamored with authenticity. Thanks for sharing this
Authenticity goes such a long way! It's always best to be your true self and sincere. Give without expecting anything in return. When you're helpful, and honest, you get so much more in return.